Self-Love Deficit Disorder and Self-Love Abundance Pyramids

By Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Self-Love Recovery Institute – President/CEO
PsychotherapistEducatorAuthorExpert Witness

The Codependency CureTM is the much anticipated follow up to The Human Magnet Syndrome. These pyramids represent central concepts in The Codependency Cure.

Re-Conceptualizing Codependency

The Self-Love Deficit (SLDD) pyramid graphically illustrates the multi-dimensional aspects of the problem.  This pyramid illustrates that codependency is not the primary problem requiring treatment. Codependency is, and always has been, only a symptom of foundational pathological forces responsible for it.

codependency pyramid
self-love deficit disorder

In this vein, the pyramid linearly and hierarchically represents the progression of the problem. It begins with attachment trauma and continues with core shame, pathological loneliness and codependency addiction. And finally, codependency is the symptom. The SLDD pyramid gives a 3D illustration of codependency, that is both clinically correct and intuitively accessible.

To overcome Self-Love Deficit Disorder, one must not waste time on what I call “band-aid” treatment or therapy, which spends time on the surface problems, the symptoms, and neglects to resolve the actual cause of the disorder.

Self-Love Abundance is the Codependency Cure

However, there is a cure for SLDD, which is the achievement of self-love abundance. This the exact opposite of each of the Self-Love Deficit pyramids levels.

self-love deficit disorder

In the Self-Love Abundance pyramid, the root of the problem is addressed. Attachment trauma resolution occurs when a person in psychotherapy safely explores his/her repressed or hidden childhood trauma. By bringing their long-forgotten hurt child experience forward, shown at the light of day, they are able to accept the sad reality of their childhood, let it go and integrate it into their conscious mind.

This allows them to realize core self-love. A realistic optimistic in self affirming definition of self, which is based on what is naturally and fundamentally good about a person.

This leads to existential peace, the polar opposite of pathological loneliness. For the first time the new self-loving person feels comfortable in their own skin. Free from shame and loneliness, this person can then find and demand mutuality and reciprocity in all of their relationships. The new relationship rules require self-love, self-respect and self care which engenders the same in others.

The culmination of these achievements results in self-love the serenity and acceptance of one’s place in the world. Being perfect despite one’s problems is the foundation for future loving relationships with self in with others.

With these two pyramids a person can intuitively visualize their self-love deficit disorder by simplifying the codependency problem into a sequential and logical illustration. The frightened codependent is more likely to courageously take on the biggest fight of their life: to resolve their lifelong battle with SLDD and to fight for their right to be self-loved abundant.

For more information about Ross’s Self-Love Recovery Program, write us at

Ross Rosenberg

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, is an international codependency, narcissism, trauma, and sex& love addictions expert who provides psychotherapy, training and consultation services. Ross is a keynote speaker and trainer, presenting in 27 states and 3 countries. He owns Advanced Clinical Trainers and Clinical Care Consultants, an Arlington Heights IL counseling center. He wrote the best-selling book, "The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us." Ross’s YouTube channel contains 75 instructional/educational videos, which have over 2.6 million views and amassed 24,000 subscribers. He has been on ABC Late Night, a ABC "Swiped" documentary, Fox News and WGN News. His work has been featured in the Chicago Tribune & Publishers Weekly and he blogs for The Huffington Post, &

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