The way children adapt to narcissistic parents is going to determine what their relationship template is going to be as adults.
For a child to avoid severe attachment trauma, they need to be adept at a form of psychological gymnastics. This requires suppressing instinctual and reflexive emotional reactions such as frustration, anger, and disappointment while reacting ways that make their narcissistic parents feel good about themselves.
The child who succeeds at modifying their emotional reactions to neglect, deprivation, or abuse is rewarded with the highly coveted position in the family as this parent’s “favorite” child. This child becomes a long-fantasized “gift” bestowed on the parent that soothes their mostly unconscious feelings of inadequacy and core shame. The “gifted child” is rewarded by being lavished with conditional love, respect, and care, while others in the family fall prey to the narcissistic parent’s damaging whims and reactions. “
Excerpt from The Human Magnet Syndrome – The Codependent Narcissist Trap” – Chapter 8 The Origins of Codependency
Severely narcissistic and potential sociopathic parents are more emotionally invested in their bloodline and the child’s role in carrying it forward, than the child herself. The child is the golden ticket who will legitimize their life, assuring them their imagined legacy.
They do almost everything perfectly while making sure everyone know every move they make. They are natural at marketing and publicizing their perfect parenting. The child is the lead actor in their parent’s meticulously written, feel-good script. The lonely and neglected child behind the scenes is never seen.
The Fake Narcissistic parent does almost everything perfectly while making sure everyone know every move they make. They are natural at marketing and publicizing their perfect parenting. The child is the lead actor in their parent’s meticulously written, feel-good script. The lonely and neglected child behind the scenes is never seen.
The stakes are high for the narcissist to maintain at least one “gifted” child in the family at all times.
The child is virtually guaranteed special status in the family as long as they maintain the “little prince” or “princess” position. Falling from grace is not an option as the consequences are terrifyingly severe.
The child is reminded daily that failure at their gifted job will have costly and painful consequences.
The narcissistic parent-gifted child relationship is psychologically and relationally inverted, as the child provides emotional comfort to the adult when it should be the other way around.
The “gifted child” is rewarded by being lavished with conditional love, respect, and care, while others in the family fall prey to the narcissistic parent’s damaging whims and reactions.
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