I wish that EVERYONE would read this book. It explains things in a simple way that makes so much
sense. If you have ever been in a relationship, are thinking about being in one....... know of someone
that is one. READ THIS BOOK. It explains WHY people date the SAME type of person over and over
again. It breaks down why you are attracted to and attract a certain type of person. So, if you want to
break the cycle, you have to understand what is going on with you. Givers attract Takers. CoDependents
attract Narcissists Over-functioners attract Under-functioners. . A -4 attracts a +4...... and
so on. The book is an easy read and gets redundant after awhile. BUT, you will finally
UNDERSTAND. I have read soooooo many books, and this one is hands down BRILLIANT!!
Must reading ... especially if your picker is broken....
By TenfinityFilmson March 22, 2014
Oh my... this book was amazing!! Thank you Ross Rosenberg!!
I am a student finishing up my AA degree in human services w/ an emphasis on certification for Chemical
Dependency Professional... I WAS going to work as a substance abuse counselor however, the past two
year, after my own awakening in my codependent ways of being, I began working a recovery program in
Al-anon. I read everything I could get my hands on with regards to this topic and devoured all my college
level text books on the subject of addiction ... because the narcissistic addict was the thorn in my flesh...
I began to understand and fully understand after reading this book, how we attract the opposite of what
we are... I was a serious codependent. I never realized I learned to HATE who I was.. to avoid an
abusive, rage-a-holic father, I employed roles and ways fo being to anticipate what was coming so I could
avoid being beaten... It never worked but I learned how to read people and please them to avoid being
abandoned rejected and orphaned ...
I have had a few significant relationships in my life. All were with narcissist once using addicts and a few
in active addiction. I was unable to see the pattern or see anything in me that was bringing them into my
life.. just wasn't the time. Two years ago, it became time to wake up and change...
Today, this book has helped me understand the continuum of how and who attracts who... a -5
codependent will attract a +5 narcissistic personality, BPD, or addict narcissist ... addicts are always
narcissistic.. they literally have a love relationship with their drug of choice and USE people ... there are 3
stages to addiction: early, middle and late stage and just going sober doesn't change the narcissist
personality they have created in the disease; WHICH is why it is imperative for them to work an HONEST
recovery program with a sponsor in some type of 12 step program. It is a guide to renewing their
distorted, diseased, brain and learn to become awake, aware and actively recovering and changing.
This book discusses everything necessary so you will learn about yourself and your patterns as a
codependent. Unfortunately, as stated in this book, most narcissistic types will NOT be helped because
they can't ever see that they have done anything wrong.. their programming is such that they are perfect,
grandiose, without fault nor flaw... they can't even begin to dig down deep in to the cesspool of their past
upbringing to address the deep trauma and abuse they encountered at some point in their development.
This is what drives them to self-medicate, or just live the illusion that they are perfect and everyone
should bow down worship and adore them "god complex' types.
I completed this book in one sitting .. it just spoke to exactly what I needed to read at the moment.. filling
in so much information to all that I have read over the past 2-4 years when I was 'dabbling' in considering
if I was in need of help until I realized I WAS definitely in need of help.
Today I believe through the program of Al-anon and working with a sponsor as well as reading and
studying such books as this, I have entered in to a level of healing that I could not have entered in to any
other way.. I came to see that I needed to be restored to sanity because I was INSANE as a result of the
narcissistic addicts I had allowed into my life... the only way to get better was to get away from them,
isolate myself for a season and put the focus totally on me... nothing a true codependent does with out
I began loving myself. Accepting myself and all that has happened and currently happens.. I live in
acceptance and I forgave and rapidly forgive myself daily. Perfection and control are both illusions and I
live genuine and authentic these days. I have good healthy boundaries in place and have eradicated
close ties with anyone in active addiction or not working an honest recovery.
This book is MUST reading MUST MUST MUST .. if you are a codependent and if you happen to be that
rare addict narcissist who wants to truly find peace and serenity in a recovery lifestyle. I think the book
said that many addicts move out of the narcissistic +5 when they stop drinking and work recovery ...
All in all, I will and have already recommended this book to people in class and working their own
recovery program. Thank you Ross Rosenberg for taking of your time to put this down on paper and put it
in print! I am grateful to infinity and beyond! NOW I have a definite understanding of why I attracted who I
did .. and why I am no longer attracting unhealthy addict types... SO happy to know this!!
By Jessicaon February 25, 2015
I have spent 30 years of my life choosing the wrong men. I happened to come across an article by the
author online, and decided to read the book. I read it in one sitting, today, after kicking another
narcissistic man out of my house yesterday. It's too soon to say "this book has changed my life"... but it
will. I have never understood what is wrong with me or why I gravitate to selfish, arrogant men, and have
spent my entire life in denial of an extremely challenging childhood. However miraculously, to see my
entire life loosely summarized in a book by someone I don't even know, has spurned an incredible sense
of determination to change. After months in therapy whining about my relationship, thinking I could
change things while sticking around, I am convinced it is time to take a break from dating and try to
reorient myself in the hopes of ending up in a relationship based on **mutual** love and consideration something I have never had before. If you are even considering the possibility that you are in a
codependent situation, buy this book. Read it in the bathroom, or shower, or in a grocery store parking lot
if you're dating someone who would be suspicious. Just do it. It's a surprisingly affordable "holy crap"
moment you will probably not regret.
If you've been in an abusive relationship, this is a must read!
By M. M. Milleron March 1, 2016
Excellent resource for people who have been through narcissistic abuse. The author created a continuum
of self as he calls it, which helps you understand that the Cluster B personality disorders are not B&W
and instead there are levels of narcissism and codependency. It's very helpful to understand where you
are on that continuum and where your abuser is. After reading this book, you'll likely want to stop dancing
with emotional manipulators and instead work on yourself, learning to set healthy boundaries and express
your thoughts, feelings, opinions, needs and perceptions of reality without letting someone else gaslight
you or intimidate you or shame you into believing that you have no right to these. You'll be able to see
how that training came from childhood and likely one of your parents being this kind of emotional
manipulator. I wish I'd read this book years ago. Very very grateful for Rosenberg's work
A dysfunctional dance
By Shannon Mills on March 22, 2017
I recommend this book to anyone recovering from a failed relationship and asking the question WHY.
The Human Magnet Syndrome is not a "how to" book. It is a WHY book. In that sense, the book is more
akin to a blueprint than a tool box. Once you understand your personal "blueprint"and why a relationship
failed, you can begin to address the HOW to fix it. By "design" in my blueprint, I am a codependent - who
married an "emotional manipulator". That was not by chance - it was by design - thus the "magnet"
metaphor in the title of the book. We danced the perfect and dysfunctional dance that the author explains
This book helped me see an early blueprint of my relationships. As a codependent - I ALWAYS sought
out "emotional manipulators", not because we were the same - but because they had strong and opposite
qualities that appealed to me as a codependent. Cracks in my foundation - now evident in my "blueprint"
have been evident from my early childhood. They contributed directly to the failure of several
relationships, including an over 20 year marriage.
The book helped me better understand WHY I and my partner were initially so attracted to each other,
loved each other, achieved many positive things, but ultimately ended a very long marriage. Now that I
understand some of the WHY - I can begin to move on to other more healthy relationships.
It's not just the same bad choice over and over
By TANA on April 14, 2016
The concept in this book have LITERALLY changed my life. The Human Magnet Syndrome. The
codependent rescuer always attracting the narcissist (and/or addict). It's not just the same bad choice
over and over.....it's because of the way we were cared for as children that teaches us how we think we
need to get love. This is a MUST READ!