Codependency and Narcissism Move Forward Generationally
I wanted to start my new book with a story about what made me codependent (or Self-Love Deficient). I started to write about what happened to me as a child, with regard to how my parents treated me. Then I started to write about their background. What about my mother’s childhood made her a codependent and what about my dad made him a narcissist. Then I went to the next generation, my grandparents; and to the next generation, my great-grandparents; and I went all the way back to around 1860-1870.
This chapter is a careful study of what happened from generation to generation. I created this story about how codependency (Self-Love Deficit) and pathological narcissism is passed from one generation to another, just like the baton is passed in a relay race. It is like a train and once a train is destined to his location, it is not going to stop.
When we were children were hurt, were sad, were disappointed or ashamed of ourselves. And we said, when I grow up I’m never going to do that. I am going to be exactly the opposite of what my father or mother was. And we ended up marrying or being deeply involved, or connected to a pathological narcissist.
This was an interesting process, because I have a lot of anger and animosity towards my parents, especially my father. To be completely transparent it has been really hard to let go. I have spent a lot of time being angry and bitter. Not just about him, but the effect of his parenting, including my relationship with my siblings.
By the end of writing this chapter, for the first time I started to have empathy for my dad. This is a feeling that I am still processing and still trying to understand.
So, I wanted to share this because I believe that, that anger we have inside ourselves, can move forward and eventually become neutral. I am still upset but I realized that I had to let go of that anger that was consuming me.
Stop passing the codependency baton! We do not have to be in this relay race. That is how we change the world. It all starts with the personal healing and if we are consumed by anger, how can we heal? I do not suggest to forgive everyone but to understand that there is a context and a story.
You cannot heal Self-Love Deficit Disorder or codependency, you cannot get to Self-Love Abundance without dealing with the trauma that happened to you. If we are going to deal with our trauma, we have to understand what happened to us and we have to embrace it. If we stay stuck in rage, bitterness and hatred, as much as we are justified to feel that way, we are frozen out of Self-Love Abundance, which is the Codependency Cure.
