Tag Archives: emotional manipulator

Amazon Review, Emotional Manipulation and The Human Magnet Syndrome

I decided to publish both the review and my response to it to further educate others on the topics discussed in both my book The Human Magnet Syndrome, and my work that followed it.

First, I present you the actual unedited review.  Then, my response.


“It would be an excellent book if it were not for the authors accusatory terminology and then his justification of the same. I read this book because I am currently in divorce proceedings from my -4 co-dependent and, as I once believed she was my soul mate, wanted to understand her in order to harbor no ill feelings regarding the termination of our marriage.. So okay, I am on the plus side of the authors scale. The label the uses for anyone on the plus side is “emotional abuser.” While co-dependent is widely used (although not a psychiatric diagnosis, ) to the best of my knowledge this author is the only one who uses the terminology “emotional abuser” to describe anyone on the positive side of his scale. He then uses the 3 most negatively connotative psychiatric personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic, antisocial) to further his cause.

He then goes on to write that if your insulted by being called an emotionally abusive borderline pain in the ass jerk narcissist with antisocial (possibly criminal) tendencies it is because you are impossible to fix and don’t want to look at how totally screwed up you really are and this just proves his theory. Who is the emotional abuser now?

Okay, so in fairness, let’s see how many books he can sell if he changes the name of those clustered on the negative side of his scale. How about instead of “co-dependent” he calls them….I don’t know…how about…I got it….”doormat martyrs” and parallels their condition with the dependent, histrionic, and avoidant personality disorders. I am sure that if they take offence at this it is just a defense mechanism they are using to deny their condition.”


Many reviews like yours help me explain my work even further. So I thank you for yours.

There is a long story about the term “Emotional Manipulator” and “Emotional Manipulation,” but it will suffice to say that I never wanted that term to be used for narcissists/narcissism. The publisher did research and determined that term was “sexy” and would draw people to my seminars.  To get the gig, I reluctantly agreed to swap my term “Pathological Narcissism (ASPD, BPD, NPD and active addicts) with “Emotional Manipulator.”  I did my best, however, to delineate in The Human Magnet Sydrome book,  that “Emotional Manipulators” specifically meant what I now consider “Pathogical Narcissism.”

In addition to not liking the simple use of “Emotional Manipulators,” all  of my work before my HMS book and what followed it, clarified that codependents and narcissists can be both emotionally manipulative or an “emotional manipulator,” when understood according to the denotative sense of the term.   I even created the term subcategories to account for manipulative codependents (Active Codependency), to illustrate how this subgroup can be manipulative.   More about this category can be found in my YouTube video, Codependents Can Be Manipulative.  Understanding Active and Passive Codependency.

You will find that I have not used the “emotional manipulator term for over 4 years.”  I also dumped the term “codependent” as it was less descriptive the real problem/person than I desired and had unnecessary stigmatizing and pejorative impact on the “codependent.”  The book’s 2nd edition which is available in French and Spanish has all of these changes.  The English version won’t be available until 4/18 due to the contract i signed with the publisher.

As much as I want to sell books, I have not sold out out used terms that do match my personal and clinical experience (psychotherapist for 30 years).  As much as I am into marketing myself and my products, I will not create content that isn’t accurate, research based, or helpful to both the clientele I am writing about or the practitioners who are helping them.  Simply, my book and my other material are not created for Pathological Narcissists.  I am writing for the victims of narcissistic abuse.  I don’t even try to be open and fair to this population.  I just try to be accurate about the problem of Self-Love Deficit Disorder (formerly “codependency” and narcissistic abuse.

To your paragraph: “He then goes on to write that if your insulted…”  Clinical research hundreds of books written on NPD, ASPD, BPD, confirm that these Pathological Narcissists are resistive to seeking help because they deny having the problems others accuse them of having.  Moreover, their psychological makeup is extremely fragile; so much so, the mere suggestion that they are responsible for harm they perpetrated, triggers (activates) a narcissistic injury, which manifests in some form of aversive or punishing response.  Most reactions like these are projections, which are the placement of one’s unconscious or disassociated core shame onto the person who challenges, corrects them or tries to hold them accountable.  So, I am not sure why you consider me an “emotional abuser” by stating clinical facts that are irrefutable?

Lastly, since you identified your partner as having a (-4) Continuum of Self Value, and I assume you are correct, then you would be a (+4) narcissist.  If this is the case, then, according to my Human Magnet/Continuum of Self Theories), you have some insight into your narcissism.  Such is evidenced by your 3 star review and a fairly balanced review of my book.  Considering you read my book and subcribe to the Human Magnet Syndrome nad Continuum of Self Theory, then you must me a (+4).  If this is the case, then you clearly have some insight into your problems and could benefit from psychotherapy.

As I say repeatedly in The Human Magnet Syndrome, “it takes two to dance;” both parties share responsibility in their dysfunctional relationship.  Therefore, I hope you seek psychotherapy so that you too can experience increased levels of self-love and mental health.

Thank you again for review.


Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Self-Love Recovery Institute Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

SELF LOVE RECOVERY INSTITUTE                         

Free Yourself with The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery.

Free Yourself with The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT Candidate



Expert codependency psychotherapist, writer, and professional trainer, Ross Rosenberg presents his compact and revolutionary 4-stage codependency treatment model and his “Surgeon General’s” Codependency Recovery Warning.

Both were developed as a direct result of his own codependency recovery and 27 years of working with codependent clientele. These new and innovative codependency recovery concepts have been met with universally positive feedback from both professionals and non-professionals alike.

The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery realistically represents both the hardships and the rewards that occur in the codependency recovery experience. It depicts the incremental nature of the recovery in an accurate and intuitive manner.

If you’re struggling with codependence, the Four Steps Codependency Recovery treatment will:

– prepare you for the fight of a lifetime
– inspire you with optimism and a vision of future relational health
– arm you with information about the challenges and potential losses ahead
– offer life-changing benefits and rewards
– provide strategies and prepare you for potential self-sabotage or relapse during recovery
The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery are:

Stage 1: Setting Boundaries
Stage 2: Maintaining Boundaries in a Hostile Environment
Stage 3: Building New Relationships
Stage 4: Reinforcing/Strengthening New Relationships

Like the real Surgeon General’s warning, Ross prepares his clients for the battle of their lifetime. His “Surgeon General’s Warning” is an ethical and moral mandate that all therapists working with codependents should utilize. The “Warning” facilitates an accurate understanding of positive and negative experiences of codependency recovery. Similarly, it sets up the important cost/benefit dialogue that instills hope, while preparing the codependent client for this challenging transformation. Knowing both the positives and negatives, recovering codependents can make a life-altering informed decision.

Bio: Ross A. Rosenberg has been a therapist since 1998. He is considered an expert in the areas of codependency, trauma and ssex, love and Internet addictions, for which he provides comprehensive psychotherapy, training and consultation services. He is the owner of Clinical Care Consultants, an Arlington Heights Illinois counseling center, and Advanced Clinical Trainers. He is an accomplished professional trainer; just in a two year period gave his seminars in 27 states (60 cities).  He is the proud author of the best-selling book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.”  Ross’s YouTube channel, which highlights his work on codependency, narcissism and ssex addiction has garnered 500,000 views in just the last year.  Ross has blogged with Huffington Post and Psych Central.  And is working on his second book, entitled Reversing the Human Magnet Syndrome: Codependency and Trauma Recovery.

By clicking the “Register Now” button you submit your information to the Webinar organizer, who will use it to communicate with you regarding this event and their other services.

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Codependents & Narcissists: Understanding the Attraction Training. March 21. Buffalo Grove IL


Codependents & Narcissists: Understanding the Attraction

6-CEU Training by Ross Rosenberg, LCPC, CADC
March 21, 2014. Buffalo Grove, IL

Did you know… That codependents and pathological narcissists are “human magnets?” Both are irresistibly drawn into romantic relationships not so much what they see, feel and think, but more by an invisible attraction force, that will repeat over and over again despite outside treatment intervention? Ross presents his own theories to explain the mysterious but predictable attraction pattern occurring between codependents and narcissists – balanced but dysfunctional relationship partners.

A National Success – Since January 2012, this training has been presented in 60 cities and 27 states. Because it strikes both a personal and professional chord, participants have described it as emotionally evocative, thought-provoking and cathartic. The training spawned Ross’s former training employer’s all-time best-selling training DVD and his first book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People who Hurt Us.

Click HERE to Register  

For More Information, Click HERE

To request a speaker/training for your event, please contact info@advancedclinicaltrainers.com

Codependents Can be Manipulators. Categorizing Codependency – Active vs. Passive. Expert

A New Codependency Category: Active versus Passive Codependents. Codependency Sub-types

Codependency is a problematic relationship orientation which involves the relinquishing of power and control to individuals who are either addicted or who have one of the three emotional manipulation personality disorders. In other words, codependents habitually find themselves in relationships with egotistic, self-centered, selfish, and/or addicted individuals. Codependents are habitually and magnetically attracted to people who neither seem interested nor motivated to participate in mutual or reciprocal relationships. Additionally, codependents willingly participate in relationships in which there is an unfair distribution of love, respect, and care, both given and received. By habitually choosing narcissistic or addicted friends or romantic partners, codependents consistently feel unfulfilled, disrespected and undervalued. As much as they resent and complain about the inequity in their relationships, codependents feel powerless to change them. More info can be found at: http://goo.gl/CFme80.


Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Psychotherapist & National Seminar Trainer

Owner of Clinical Care Consultants
Co-Owner of Advanced Clinical Trainers
Author of the Human Magnet Syndrome

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The Song: What Makes A Narcissist Tick (A Comment on a Modern Plague)

The other day I received an email from a man who listened to one of my YouTube videos about Narcissism/Emotional Manipulation.  He described that his healing journey from a narcissistic partner included writing songs.  This song, captures the mental and emotional capacity of a narcissist.  It is sweetly honest and painful.  I really respect Mr. Payne for his talented depiction of what what probably hurt him so badly.

What Makes A Narcissist Tick (A Comment on a Modern Plague)

©Words and music by Doug Payne 2007

I hide I can not relate
I put on a face and I shut the gate.
I wont confide. I can not debate.
I wont decide. I procrastinate.
You cant reach my soul.
It’s down a deep dark hole
and if you love me too well,
I’ll make your life hell.

So well I’ve lived this lie.
No one can tell. Not even I.
My baby’s got the right to ask,
but i wont stop and take off the mask.

You cant reach my soul.
It’s down a deep dark hole
and if you jump in this well
I’ll male your life hell.

If someone tries to touch my heart
show they care the trouble will sart.
My greatest fear are her loving eyes
and tender hands across my disguise.

She cant reach my soul.
It’s down a deep lonely hole
and if she jump in this well
I’ll make her life hell.

I’d like to feel with you.
To laugh and cry and see things through
We should have it made
if I could only end this charade.

You can’t reach my soul
It’s down a deep lonely hole
and if you jump in this well
I’ll make your live hell.

If you jump in this well
Ill make your life hell.

Nah NAh Nah NAh Nah.



Ross Rosenberg Codependency Expert

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