Tag Archives: codependent no more

Human Magnet Syndrome International Reviews

For my new Human Magnet Syndrome website, I am putting together graphics.  Here is one for the reviews.




Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT

Empaths Are Different from Codependents
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CACD, CSAT

I have to be honest, I do not like when the term “empath” is used interchangeably with “codependent.” “Empath,” which has its origins in the spiritual and metaphysical world, was never intended to be a replacement term for codependency. An empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability to intuitively sense and understand the mental or emotional state of another individual. According to empaths I have spoken to and the information available on the Internet, they are highly sensitive to the emotional and metaphysical energy others. If, indeed, this extra-sensory phenomenon exists, it is definitely not the same thing as codependency.

Since “empath” has mostly positive connotations and “codependent” does not, it makes sense why it is a preferred moniker for the more serious psychological problem of codependency.
Misrepresenting codependency, or what I now refer to as Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), only adds a layers of denial to a problem that is already shrouded in shame. In addition, it casts a serious problem in a positive light, while perpetuating the myth that SLD’s or codependents are victims, instead of willing participants in their dysfunctional relationships with narcissists.

Who can argue that being empathetic is bad? Well, it isn’t. The idea that empaths are vulnerable people, just because of a certain personality type, is an excuse, which offers no solution to the problem. Being empathic is good! However, being empathic and allowing yourself to be hurt by people you choose to be with, or are unconsciously attracted to, is not.

But one could argue that being overly empathetic while choosing to be in harmful relationships with narcissists is dysfunctional and self-destructive. “Empath” should, therefore, not be a replacement term for “codependent,” When we admit we struggle with SLDD, we are honestly and courageously confessing our pain, while describing what we need to do in order to find loving, respecting and mutually caring relationships.

I have worked with SLD’s/codependents my whole career, and I, myself, am a recovering SLD. I have learned that we can only recover from our secret hell – our magnetic attraction to narcissists – when we understand that we are willing participants or dance partners in a very dysfunctional relationship dance. We choose narcissistic “dance partners” because we have a “broken (relationship) picker.” We fall prey to our own belief that the chemistry we experience with new narcissist lovers is a manifestation of true love or a soulmate experience.

Adding insult to injury, when the cracks of the soulmate’s façade surface and we start to experience the isolating and humiliating pain of loneliness and shame, we are, once again, powerless to break free from another narcissist lover. Inevitably, our soulmate transforms into our “cell mate.” This is not the problem of an empath, but of someone with Self-Love Deficit Disorder.

The only way SLD’s get better (recover) is to understand that they freely participate in their dysfunctional relationships with narcissists. As a reminder, SLDD is a symptom that manifests through the Human Magnet Syndrome. It is an addiction that results from one’s need/desire to self-medicate (detach, numb or escape) the pain of pathological loneliness, which is fueled by the core shame resulting from childhood attachment trauma at the hands of a pathologically narcissistic parent.

self-love deficit

Admitting we have a problem that we cannot, or never could, control, is the first and most important step in SLDD (codependency) recovery. Yes, we can stop the madness! We can take the big step towards sanity, peace and fulfillment by admitting our powerlessness over our SLD and need to recover from its inherent addiction – the compulsion to be everyone’s lover, friend, confidant and caretaker, while ignoring our own needs for the same.

We can conquer pathological loneliness, soul-searing shame and our repressed or suppressed childhood trauma if we choose the difficult but healing path of trauma resolution and the pursuit of self-love. Seeking this healing and self-loving path will ultimately compel us to cast away all relationships that are exploitative and narcissistic, while moving towards those that enhance our pursuit for self-care, self-respect and self-love. The courage to recover from Self-Love Deficit Disorder is within your reach. Stop being a delivery mechanism for everyone else’s need for love, respect and care!
In conclusion, if you identify with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency), rejoice in your emotional and, perhaps, spiritual empathetic gifts. But, at the same time, make the life-changing decision to take the challenging but healing path of SLDD recovery. The following excerpt from Robert Frost’s celebrated poem, “The Road Not Taken,” illuminates the importance of this resolution:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

© Ross Rosenberg, 2016
trademark-logo.png.pagespeed.ce.eY15aM7wLY Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD)

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us

Register for Ross’s 2/26/16 Skokie IL (Chicago suburb) Codependency Cure Seminar

co no mo trng



Self-Love Deficit Disorder: An Interview with Ross Rosenberg


Join us for a discussion with psychotherapist, author, professional trainer, and behavioral health practice owner Ross Rosenberg.  We discuss his trademarked term Self-Love Deficit Disorder, his best-selling bookThe Human Magnet Syndrome, and his next book The Codependency Cure: Overcoming Self-Love Deficit Disorder.

I’ll admit this was the first show where I did not look at the talking points. We covered everything and it was hard to stop recording. Ross was probably our most comfortable guest and we’ll look forward to interviewing him again. The information shared is invaluable and my entire team is excited to get their hands on his second book. We look forward to replacing the term “codependent” with something that empowers evolving into self-love.



SLDDRossRosenbergWhat is codependency?

Why did you change its name to Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD)?

Is there a difference between an “empath” and a “codependent/SLD?”

What is your take on the proliferation of interest in narcissism?

Have stealthy narcissists cashed in on the narcissism train?

What is SLDD/codependency addiction?

Why does the fear of pathological loneliness or the experience of it drive SLDD?

Is there are cure for  SLDD, and if so, what is it?

You are writing your second book.  What does this book cover that was not included in your first book?

How has your perception of personality disorders changed from the first book to the second?

Let’s talk about your work as business owner and behavioral health provider. Tell us about your social media presence and how do you maintain this kind of following and run a successful behavioral health organization?

Questions about the show? Email us here.

r-rosenbergRoss Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT has been a psychotherapist since 1988. He is a professional trainer, consultant and a certified addiction and sex addiction specialist. Ross owns Clinical Care Consultants, a counseling center in Arlington Heights and Advanced Clinical Trainers. He wrote the best-selling and internationally acclaimed book The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us and is in the process writing the follow-up, The Codependency Cure: Overcoming Self-Love Deficit Disorder. His professional trainings and Keynote speaking have spanned 27 states and in Europe. Ross’s is a passionate clinician and teacher on topics ranging from codependency, narcissism, trauma, and sex and love addiction. His YouTube channel, which features 70 instructive videos, has amassed 2.6 Million views and 24K subscribers. He has been a featured on network TV and News and is an avid writer for several prominent blogs and publications.

Codependency No More! Introducing Self-Love Deficit Disorder. SLD

Codependency No More!  Introducing Self-Love Deficit Disorder

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT

codependency no more



“Codependency” is an outdated term that connotes weakness and emotional fragility, both of which are far from the truth.  The new term should recognize the problem with which all codependents struggle: a deficiency of self-love.  Without it, they are perpetually and hopelessly attracted to pathological narcissists.  With great pride, I would like to introduce “Self-Love Deficit Disorder!” It is time to take the disgrace out of the name of Codependency and place the focus on the shame that perpetuates it.

self love

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT  © 2015

Clinical Care Consultants Owner

Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner

Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer

Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us