The Human Magnet Syndrome - Excerpts - page 9

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CHAPTER 3: CODEPENDENTS, NARCISSISTS,
AND THEIR OPPOSITE LOVE
Disclaimer:
In this chapter, almost everything you think you know about codependency will be
challenged, redefined, and possibly replaced.
How the world defines codependency is simply incorrect, excessively simplistic and has not kept pace
with advancements in the medical and psychiatric fields. Consequently, that is why codependency
treatment rarely works. To put this into perspective, ask yourself the following questions:
Of all the codependent people you know who have sought professional help, what percentage
of them have been able to terminate relationships with the harmful narcissists people who claim
they love, respect and care for them?
And of these “success cases,” how many did not return to the same person, like a well-meaning
and sincere recovering alcoholic who slips back into drinking binges?
Of these stronger and healthier people, how many of them fell in love with another person, who
at the beginning seemed “normal” and healthy, but was really a narcissist in hiding?
And for the handful of left over “success stories,” how many of them credit their “success” to
slamming and locking the emotional “door” that leads them to romantic and sexual feelings?
If you are not steeped in denial, and have good counting skills, you will have a very small number of
people who have succeeded in squelching their codependency…or simply nobody.
I wrote both editions of
The Human Magnet Syndrome
stemming from my long-held belief that
the
problem
of codependency is inaccurately understood and
the treatment
of it is largely unsuccessful.
How can we treat a problem if we don’t really know what it is? Problems and their solutions simply
need to sync up. In other words, for codependency treatment to deliver consistent long-term positive
results, an accurate and comprehensive understanding of the problem is required.
The Scientific Method and Codependency
As demonstrated in the last chapter, I rely on metaphors and analogies to simplify explanations and
illustrate more complicated concepts. Bloodletting details the crucial connection between an accurately
understood diagnosis (medical or mental health) and reliably effective treatment for it. Bloodletting was
a medical practice used for over 3,000 years to prevent or cure illness and diseases. It was believed that
withdrawing blood (controlled bleeding), kept a person healthy or cured them from a laundry list of
medical and mental health problems. Despite any proof of its success, it remained the treatment of
choice. With the advent of scientific research methods this medical practice was debunked and
consequently abandoned in the mid to late 1800s.
Having a bare bones understanding of what a scientific method is is crucial to comprehending why I
developed the Human Magnet Syndrome. The following is an extremely
simplified
explanation of a
scientific method.
The scientific method’s ability to quantify and qualify the efficacy of any given method of
medical or mental health treatment begins with a clear and precise definition of the problem to
which the treatment is purported to lessen, resolve, or cure.
The treatment approach similarly needs to be clearly described.
A hypothesis for how the treatment will interact with the problem, e.g. cure it, should be stated.
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