Tag Archives: why we love people who hurt us

Pseudo Narcissism / Kid in a Candy Store Phenomenon

 

Pseudo Narcissism / Kid in a Candy Store Phenomenon
Ross Rosenberg

Through SLDD recovery and the attainment of Self-Love Abundance, the SLA (Self-Love Abundant) is finally allowed and free to manifest the version of themselves – the person who they always should have been, but never knew existed.  A fitting analogy is a “kid a candy store.”

The excited and highly motivated SLA can get lost in the freedom of being their newly discovered happy and successful self.  This results in a feeling of euphoria, excitement, and unhampered enthusiasm.  Like a teenager trying on potential identities, this SLA will make plenty of mistakes, as the learning curve can be steep.  As much as they wanted the fruits of self-love and the accompanied to freedom to manifest into their true potential, they may over-do the enthusiasm.  In addition, they may make key social and interactional mistakes, because they have yet to learn the skill-set of unencumbered self-esteem (self-love) expressed in relationships or in public.

Hence, these excited SLA’s spike up the Continuum of Self toward higher “self” CSV (continuum of self-value).   Such a spike may appear  as narcissism, even Pathological Narcissism.  But it is not because the SLA can be aware of their narcissistic ways, feel badly/have empathy about it, and make necessary adjustments. And when necessary and appropriate, this “kid in a candy store” can take responsibility for their actions and make amends for them in real time.  There  is no experience or reaction of a narcissistic injury.

The SLA who loses themselves in their newfound experience/attainment of personal, emotional, and even financial wealth, may very well harm others and themselves, and not even know it.  It is therefore incumbent on these overly-excited and ambitious SLA newbies to become conscious of their narcissistic spikes, make efforts to catch them before they occur, spot them when they occur, and make amends to those who are accidentally harmed by them.

SInce the goal of healthy relationships is a well-balanced distribution of love, respect and care (LRC), it is imperative that “SLA freshman” get a chance to revel in their Self-Love Abundance, while also paying attention to how it may impact others.  Dialing down one’s excitement about a new life that is absent of core shame, pathological loneliness, the addictive pursuit of narcissists, and a relationships with similarly self-loving people, might not be easy.  But the effort to become disciplined and measured in the “candy store” will be well-worth the effort.

 

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

                         

 

 

 

Articles Written by Author Ross Rosenberg

 Articles Written by Author Ross Rosenberg    

articles

Human Magnet Syndrome Blog

American Counseling Association’s Counseling Today Magazine:

Huffington Post:

PsychCentral

TheGoodMenProject. com

The Shakti Yogi Journal

YourTango.com

Moods Magazine

Academia.edu:  

Articlebase.com

Ezine Articles

Articles for Which I was Interviewed

Chicago Tribune by Jen Weigel:  Are You A Magnet for DisasterHelper, Don’t Forget to Help Yourself Too.        Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships,       Online Infidelity: Identifying, and Dealing with, Cyber Affairs

Huffington Post:  11 Signs You Might Be Dating A Sociopath      Why You Can’t Stand To Be Alone — And How To Learn To Love It     When Divorcing a Narcissist, Prepare for the Rage

PsychcentralWhy You Can’t Stand To Be Alone — And How To Learn To Love Yourself       Tips on Setting Boundaries in Enmeshed Relationships,       Coping With Loneliness During the Holidays  

Ozy.com: Is Your Facebook Creeping a Sign of Something Worse?  

Rewireme.com: Seasonal Survival Skills (Holiday Blues Survival Kit)

Everup.com: Self Love Deficit Disorder: Where Do You Fall on the Continuum of Self?              How the gray area between codependency and narcissism is defining your relationships.

                  

Ross Rosenberg,
3325 N. Arlington Heights Rd., Ste 400B
Arlington Heights, IL  60004
(847) 749-0514 ext 12
Rossr61@comcast.net

Free Yourself with The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery.

Free Yourself with The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT Candidate


 

 

Expert codependency psychotherapist, writer, and professional trainer, Ross Rosenberg presents his compact and revolutionary 4-stage codependency treatment model and his “Surgeon General’s” Codependency Recovery Warning.

Both were developed as a direct result of his own codependency recovery and 27 years of working with codependent clientele. These new and innovative codependency recovery concepts have been met with universally positive feedback from both professionals and non-professionals alike.


The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery realistically represents both the hardships and the rewards that occur in the codependency recovery experience. It depicts the incremental nature of the recovery in an accurate and intuitive manner.

If you’re struggling with codependence, the Four Steps Codependency Recovery treatment will:

– prepare you for the fight of a lifetime
– inspire you with optimism and a vision of future relational health
– arm you with information about the challenges and potential losses ahead
– offer life-changing benefits and rewards
– provide strategies and prepare you for potential self-sabotage or relapse during recovery
The Four Stages of Codependency Recovery are:

Stage 1: Setting Boundaries
Stage 2: Maintaining Boundaries in a Hostile Environment
Stage 3: Building New Relationships
Stage 4: Reinforcing/Strengthening New Relationships

Like the real Surgeon General’s warning, Ross prepares his clients for the battle of their lifetime. His “Surgeon General’s Warning” is an ethical and moral mandate that all therapists working with codependents should utilize. The “Warning” facilitates an accurate understanding of positive and negative experiences of codependency recovery. Similarly, it sets up the important cost/benefit dialogue that instills hope, while preparing the codependent client for this challenging transformation. Knowing both the positives and negatives, recovering codependents can make a life-altering informed decision.

Bio: Ross A. Rosenberg has been a therapist since 1998. He is considered an expert in the areas of codependency, trauma and ssex, love and Internet addictions, for which he provides comprehensive psychotherapy, training and consultation services. He is the owner of Clinical Care Consultants, an Arlington Heights Illinois counseling center, and Advanced Clinical Trainers. He is an accomplished professional trainer; just in a two year period gave his seminars in 27 states (60 cities).  He is the proud author of the best-selling book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.”  Ross’s YouTube channel, which highlights his work on codependency, narcissism and ssex addiction has garnered 500,000 views in just the last year.  Ross has blogged with Huffington Post and Psych Central.  And is working on his second book, entitled Reversing the Human Magnet Syndrome: Codependency and Trauma Recovery.

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On TV Again! The Taylor Baldwin Show is on San Diego’s U-T TV Network

Slideshow-Taylor-Baldwin_t640x400

I will be taping a 30 minute interview with Taylor Baldwin on December 13th.

The Taylor Baldwin Show is on the U-T TV network, and my host has several health and beauty products on the market, and can be seen in national commercials. Being an anchor is her second job, and we like to focus on health and beauty segments, and overcoming divorce is a great topic!

Meet Taylor Baldwin

Taylor Baldwin’s enthusiasm and talent are unparalleled!  One of today’s most exciting media stars, Taylor Baldwin is a successful news anchor / TV host, as well as an accomplished DRTV host, television spokesperson, actress, and media/product development consultant.  She’s been a mainstay of several major television outlets, working in a variety of roles for Fox Sports Net, CBS, and KTLA / Tribune Entertainment – where she served as their prime time entertainment anchor.

Her acting roles include TV’s “7th Heaven” and other feature films. And Taylor is no ‘One Trick Pony’. She is the founder and president of Taylor – Made Productions. Under her company she produces and develops products. Her latest hit ‘Hot Buns’ – is a commercial that falls into beauty product category.

And we’re not done yet! Taylor creates a successful bio-weekly video blog called “Taylor Time” that showcases the hottest health & beauty tips, as well as innovative products.

 

Ross Rosenberg Codependency Expert

Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel     HuffPost-app-icon-sm     Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn   Ross Rosenberg on twitter    images   download

 

On The Rob Carson Show – Washington DC – Mix 107.3 and 105.9 WMAL

avatars-000022051150-jn7rjh-t500x500On The Rob Carson Show- Washington DC – Mix 107.3 and 105.9 WMAL

Interviewed on December 7th at 2pm CDT

Rob Carson is a major market radio personality currently in Washington DC working at Mix 107.3 and 105.9 WMAL.  Rob’s comedy has been heard nationally on America’s biggest radio networks and shows including the Rush LImbaugh Program since 1990. Rob also is a lifestyle video host specializing in cooking and home improvement. Rob’s podcast is a new generation of talk radio featuring politics, pop culture, personal experiences, observational humor, great guests and the biggest satire in the country.

Rob Carson Bio:  Rob Carson is an anchor on Envision Radio Networ.  He is a talk veteran and comedy writer as an anchor for its weekend news-talk program “America Weekend.”   Carson previously worked at talk stations including WMAL, Washington; WIBC, Indianapolis; and KMOX, St. Louis.   He works alongside fellow anchors Paul Harris and Turi Ryder, and weatherman John Wetherbee.

Ross Rosenberg Codependency Expert

Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel     HuffPost-app-icon-sm     Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn   Ross Rosenberg on twitter    images   download

Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel     HuffPost-app-icon-sm     Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn   Ross Rosenberg on twitter    images   download

Is Your Relationship Mathematically Sound? 8 Tips to Making It Healthier

students doing mathematics at school


“If people do not believe that mathematics is simple,

it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.” 

― John von Neumann

Mr. Glover, my high school algebra teacher, who failed me, would be so proud.  Despite my life-long adversarial relationship with math, I surprisingly rely on it to describe both healthy and problematic relationships in my book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.”  The theory I created uses simple math to illustrate the magnet-like properties of dysfunctional romantic relationships.  In this article, I will be a mathematician once again as I delineate healthy versus unhealthy relationships.

What follows are two mathematical equations: one that reflects a healthy romantic relationship, the other dysfunctional, unstable and ultimately doomed.  To some, this lesson might seem paradoxical, and to others, just common sense.  For my math phobic brethren, don’t worry…no need to reach for your calculators…just take a deep breath and trust me…you will be okay.  Here goes…

The Unhealthy Love Equation

1/2 + 1/2 = 1:  Two “half” or emotionally unhealthy and underdeveloped relationship partners comprise a whole or complete dysfunctional relationship.  Although the initial feeling in this relationship is often euphoric and emotionally explosive, this soul mate experience typically devolves into pair of angry and resentful “cellmates.”  

It seems that psychologically immature lovers are pulled together by the power of the Human Magnet Syndrome.  As I wrote in my book of the same name, codependents and pathological narcissists are attracted to each other because one is the “yin” to the other’s “yang.”  Like an award winning dance couple, the two are compelled to dance with each other because they fit together like a hand in glove…perfectly!  The leader of the dance, typically a narcissist, always finds a partner that syncs up with his controlling and self-serving dance style.

Conversely, the follower of the dance, the codependent, similarly finds her “perfect” dance partner.  As a couple, these two emotionally and psychologically challenged dancers dance to a perfectly synchronized rhythm; neither one misses a beat.  The coupling of psychological “halves” feels exquisitely perfect to the dancers, at least in the beginning, but the “math” never works out.

The Healthy Equation

1 + 1 = 2:  Two “whole” or emotionally healthy lovers comprise a complete relationship.  In this relationship equation, the two lovers relate to each other as interdependent adults.  An interdependent relationship works because of the unique mixture of cooperation and autonomy.  Neither need nor rely on the other to feel whole, complete and, therefore, happy.  Instead, they come to the relationship as psychologically healthy people seeking an independent but shared love experience.

The 1 + 1 healthy love experience is based on the age old maxim that you can’t love someone else until you first love yourself.  Healthy relational love is built on the foundation of self-love.  According to Melanie Greenberg, PhD., “When we have the courage to let the walls down – to know and embrace ourselves, despite our human failings, we also open the door to connecting in a more caring, empathic, intimate way with the ones we love and with all living beings.”  While self-love is the prerequisite for healthy relational love, nothing beats a shared love experience. 

The Sum of the Two Equations

In unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships, a half plus a half equals one, which is always a half relationship; one that is comprised of insecure, needy and fear-based lovers.  For healthy lovers, one plus one equals two – or a full relationship, which is comprised of two independent and personally-fulfilled lovers. 

How to Maintain a “Mathematically” Sound Relationship:

1. Recognize that personal growth and emotional healing will always enhances your relationship.  Find a good therapist that matches up with your needs and personality.  Don’t forget that the human spirit is malleable and capable of astounding feats.  George Elliot said it best: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

2. Support your partner’s dreams and goals, as they will be happier, more fulfilled and, consequently, more able to love you completely and fully.  It isn’t codependent to sacrifice for your partner.  Don’t forget, ‘what goes around, comes around.’

3. Personal and emotional freedom requires courage to confront your fears and insecurities.  Don’t let them weigh you down.  They are like lead weights to a swimmer, making it harder to keep you head above water.

4. Healthy 1 + 1 love requires risk-taking and courage for the unknown.  Risk-adverse lovers never experience the freedom of healthy love.  The author Anais Nin eloquently spoke about the need to prioritize risk: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

5. According to Gary Chapman, the author of the Five Love Languages, the best way to fill your spouse’s “love tank” is to express love in their unique love language.  Expressing love to your spouse in a way that they can understand and appreciate builds them up and empowers them to reciprocate to meet your own unique love language.

6. Consider your relationship an important investment that requires frequent deposits.  Remember, the more you personally invest in your relationship, the higher the “dividends” will be.

7. The antithesis of healthy love is mutual selfishness.  Healthy 1 + 1 love requires mutuality, reciprocity and commitment to the greater whole.  “Love is what is left in a relationship after all the selfishness is taken out.”  – Nick Richardson

8. With healthy romantic partners, sacrifice isn’t a negative proposition.  On the contrary, it only adds to a relationship.  According to Joseph Campbell, noted philosopher and author, “When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.”

So, for now, the math lecture is over.  It is time to put down your calculators and create your own “mathematically sound” relationship.  Don’t forget that the very best, longest-lasting and satisfying love requires two whole and psychologically healthy partners.  One plus one will always equal healthy love.  If you don’t believe, me, then just do the math…

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Psychotherapist & National Seminar Trainer

Owner of Clinical Care Consultants
Co-Owner of Advanced Clinical Trainers
Author of the Human Magnet Syndrome

book iconx   images    Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn    twitter-icon    Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel     huff post icon

On The Rob Carson Show – Washington DC – Mix 107.3 and 105.9 WMAL

avatars-000022051150-jn7rjh-t500x500On The Rob Carson Show- Washington DC – Mix 107.3 and 105.9 WMAL

Interviewed on December 7th at 2pm CDT

Rob Carson is a major market radio personality currently in Washington DC working at Mix 107.3 and 105.9 WMAL.  Rob’s comedy has been heard nationally on America’s biggest radio networks and shows including the Rush LImbaugh Program since 1990. Rob also is a lifestyle video host specializing in cooking and home improvement. Rob’s podcast is a new generation of talk radio featuring politics, pop culture, personal experiences, observational humor, great guests and the biggest satire in the country.

Rob Carson Bio:  Rob Carson is an anchor on Envision Radio Networ.  He is a talk veteran and comedy writer as an anchor for its weekend news-talk program “America Weekend.”   Carson previously worked at talk stations including WMAL, Washington; WIBC, Indianapolis; and KMOX, St. Louis.   He works alongside fellow anchors Paul Harris and Turi Ryder, and weatherman John Wetherbee.

 

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Psychotherapist & National Seminar Trainer

Owner of Clinical Care Consultants
Co-Owner of Advanced Clinical Trainers
Author of the Human Magnet Syndrome

book iconx   actz  images  Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn  twitter-icon   psych central icon   Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel

On TV Again! The Taylor Baldwin Show is on San Diego’s U-T TV Network

On TV Again!  The Taylor Baldwin Show is on San Diego’s U-T TV Network

Slideshow-Taylor-Baldwin_t640x400I will be taping a 30 minute interview with Taylor Baldwin on December 13th.

The Taylor Baldwin Show is on the U-T TV network, and my host has several health and beauty products on the market, and can be seen in national commercials. Being an anchor is her second job, and we like to focus on health and beauty segments, and overcoming divorce is a great topic!

Meet Taylor Baldwin

Taylor Baldwin’s enthusiasm and talent are unparalleled!  One of today’s most exciting media stars, Taylor Baldwin is a successful news anchor / TV host, as well as an accomplished DRTV host, television spokesperson, actress, and media/product development consultant.  She’s been a mainstay of several major television outlets, working in a variety of roles for Fox Sports Net, CBS, and KTLA / Tribune Entertainment – where she served as their prime time entertainment anchor.

Her acting roles include TV’s “7th Heaven” and other feature films. And Taylor is no ‘One Trick Pony’. She is the founder and president of Taylor – Made Productions. Under her company she produces and develops products. Her latest hit ‘Hot Buns’ – is a commercial that falls into beauty product category.

And we’re not done yet! Taylor creates a successful bio-weekly video blog called “Taylor Time” that showcases the hottest health & beauty tips, as well as innovative products.

 

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Psychotherapist & National Seminar Trainer

Owner of Clinical Care Consultants
Co-Owner of Advanced Clinical Trainers
Author of the Human Magnet Syndrome

book iconx   actz  images  Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn  twitter-icon   psych central icon   Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel

Codependents Can be Manipulators. Categorizing Codependency – Active vs. Passive. Expert

A New Codependency Category: Active versus Passive Codependents. Codependency Sub-types

Codependency is a problematic relationship orientation which involves the relinquishing of power and control to individuals who are either addicted or who have one of the three emotional manipulation personality disorders. In other words, codependents habitually find themselves in relationships with egotistic, self-centered, selfish, and/or addicted individuals. Codependents are habitually and magnetically attracted to people who neither seem interested nor motivated to participate in mutual or reciprocal relationships. Additionally, codependents willingly participate in relationships in which there is an unfair distribution of love, respect, and care, both given and received. By habitually choosing narcissistic or addicted friends or romantic partners, codependents consistently feel unfulfilled, disrespected and undervalued. As much as they resent and complain about the inequity in their relationships, codependents feel powerless to change them. More info can be found at: http://goo.gl/CFme80.

 

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Psychotherapist & National Seminar Trainer

Owner of Clinical Care Consultants
Co-Owner of Advanced Clinical Trainers
Author of the Human Magnet Syndrome

book iconx   actz  images  Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn  twitter-icon   psych central icon   Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel

The Continuum of Narcissism – From Normal to Pathological. Narcissistic Personality Disorder

From my training: Codependents and Narcissists: Understanding the Attraction

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC
Psychotherapist & National Seminar Trainer

Owner of Clinical Care Consultants
Co-Owner of Advanced Clinical Trainers
Author of the Human Magnet Syndrome

book iconx   actz  images  Clinical Care Consultants on linkedIn  twitter-icon   psych central icon   Clinical Care Consultants YouTube Channel