Category Archives: Uncategorized

IT’S NOT ABOUT ME, IT’S ABOUT YOU! A Self-Love Recovery Institute Retreat Exercise. Expert

This video introduces The It’s Not About Me, It’s About You Technique. It is a creative solution in managing one’s insecure and self-love deficit driven thoughts and self-analysis.  Unfortunately, too many people assume what ever angers, disappoints, or annoys another person is their fault.  Codependents, or those with Self-Love Deficit Disorder, especially beat themselves up with a constant barrage of self-defeating, self-degrading and self-criticizing thoughts.  This video explains and demonstrates the power of assuming most of a person does to annoy or upset a narcissists is really not their fault; it is the narcissists!

This technique will be featured at Self-Love Recovery Institute’s intensive retreats, which begin in mid May of 2017.

For more informationabout Self-Love Recovery Institute’s Retreat Series, click here: http://www.selfloverecovery.com/retreat-info.php

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Self-Love Recovery Institute Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

 

 

 

Ross Rosenberg’s Media Kit – Professional Summary

TO VIEW ROSS ROSENBERG’S MEDIA KIT CLICK HERE

unified media kit 4-16-17

 

TEXT VERSION

ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT

Ross Rosenberg has been a psychotherapist since 1988. He is a distinguished international speaker, writer, trainer, consultant, and expert in the addiction/sex addiction codependency, narcissism, and trauma fields. He owns Clinical Care Consultants, a multi-location Chicago suburb counseling center, and Self-Love Recovery Institute, formerly Advanced Clinical Trainers.

Ross wrote the highly acclaimed and best-selling book “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us,” which draws on his own codependency recovery and 29 years of experience in the mental health, social service, and child welfare fields.

Ross is an internationally renowned psychotherapist, speaker, and trainer, who has presented in 27 states and twice in Europe. Because of his YouTube channel, his work has gone globally viral. Of the more than 5.5 million total views, 4 million have been in the last two years. His current subscriber base is at 52,000 and is growing at 23K a year.

THE HUMAN MAGNET SYNDROME: WHY WE LOVE PEOPLE WHO HURT US
Ross’s “The Human Magnet Syndrome” is a game changer; it addresses a topic that affects everyone. Not only has it been published in English, French, and Spanish, it has sold over 40,000 copies. It reached number 1 and 2 in several Amazon best-selling categories and has remained in more than five best-selling categories since it was published in April of 2013.

Men and women always have been drawn into romantic relationships instinctively, not so much by what they see, feel, or think, but more by an invisible and irresistible force. Ross Rosenberg, a seasoned psychotherapist, international seminar leader, YouTube favorite, and recovering codependent, named this compelling and seductive love force – The Human Magnet Syndrome.

The Human Magnet Syndrome is about common, everyday relationships that many of us have experienced but wish we hadn’t. It explains why patient, giving, and selfless individuals (codependents) are predictably attracted to selfish, self-centered, and self-serving partners (pathological narcissists). “Chemistry,” or the intuitive knowingness of perfect compatibility, is synonymous with the Human Magnet Syndrome. This is the attraction force that brings compatibly opposite, but exquisitely matched, lovers together: codependents and pathological narcissists. This magnetic love connection predictably begins like a fairy-tale, but quickly morphs into a painful “seesaw” of love, hate, hope, and disappointment. At the end of the day, the codependent’s dreams of a soul mate invariably dissolve into a “cellmate” reality.

ENDORSEMENTS

“I recommend “The Human Magnet Syndrome” to those who work in social services, education, chemical dependency, or the counseling fields and to the people they touch. It’s time to wake up and this brilliant book sounds the alarm we need.” – Melody Beattie

“Born in the cauldron of personal experience of suffering and healing, and honed through years of professional experience, this book will help anyone understand the attractors of love and consequent suffering. I recommend it to couples who are mystified by the depth and repetition of their pain, and to therapists whose destiny is to help them.” – Harville Hendrix

MEDIA EXPOSURE

Ross’ work has been highlighted on various TV networks including ABC, Fox News and WGN News and he participated in a recent ABC/Hulu documentary about Internet dating. His work has appeared regularly in the Chicago Tribune & Publisher Weekly and he is a regular contributor for The Huffington Post, PsychCenteral.com, and TheGoodMenProject.com.

CODEPENDENCY CURE™ / SELF-LOVE DEFICIT DISORDER™ RECOVERY

“The Codependency Cure”™ is Rosenberg’s Human Magnet Syndrome work follow-up. Similar to his first book, he has created innovative theories, explanations, clinical models, and techniques of the problem that is responsible for the “Human Magnet Syndrome.”

“Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD)”™ is the much-needed reformulation of the term “codependency.” It strips the antiquated and often misused word of its shaming connotations while providing a realistic description of the problem. As most people with SLDD will tell you, they would never be in harmful relationships with pathological narcissists if they had a stable sense of self-love.

The Observe Don’t Absorb Technique has captured the world by storm, as it (the video) has provided nearly 500K YouTube viewers a powerfully effective tool against narcissistic abuse.

ROSS’ TRAININGS/SEMINARS
Ross is an accomplished and expert trainer, seminar leader, and keynote presenter, renowned for his unique, break-through topics and charismatic training style. His work is equally appreciated by professionals and laymen. The training that inspired his book was presented in 27 states, 60 cities, and became a best-selling DVD training product. Ross created the company Self-Love Recovery Institute (formerly Advanced Clinical Trainers) as a platform for his training work where all his seminars are now available for purchase online.

ILLUSTRATING THE CODEPENDENCY CURE

Rosenberg’s SLDD and SLA pyramids represent the problem and the solution for “The Codependency Cure.” The SLDD pyramid represents the linear development of SLDD while demonstrating it as a symptom of much deeper and more fundamental problems. The Self-Love Abundance (SLA) Pyramid is the graphical representation of the “Codependency Cure.” The Self-Love Abundancy Pyramid is a mirror image (opposite) of the SLDD pyramid.
10 STAGES SELF-LOVE RECOVERY MODEL
The 10 Stage Self-Love Recovery Model represents the latest thinking and theoretical formulation on codependency, attachment, and addiction treatment. It is the backbone for “The Codependency Cure” and “Self-Love Deficit Disorder” material. Each stage represents a linear and sequential element of a treatment process (method) that permanently eradicates SLDD (codependency) while opening a healing and restorative pathway to “Self-Love Abundance,” otherwise known as Self-Love Recovery.
CERTIFICATION PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

The only way for Ross to resolve the conundrum of getting hundreds of requests a month for his psychotherapy services or for a referral to someone with his professional abilities, was to create “The Self-Love Recovery Certification (CSLR) Program.” His ambition is to create a world-wide CSLR practitioner network.
INTERNET, WEBSITE, EMAIL and SOCIAL NETWORKING REACH

The Codependency Cure and Self-Love Deficit Disorder concepts have captured the interest of thousands on his social networking platforms. Combining YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram, Ross has accumulated over 75,000 connections. Ross has an email list of 11,000. He currently hosts 4 active websites: Clinical Care Consultants, Self-Love Recovery Institute, Human Magnet Syndrome in English and in Spanish. The English Human Magnet Syndrome website gets approximately 19,000 visits a month.

GLOBAL YOUTUBE CREATOR

Over the last four years, Ross’s 95 instructional and inspirational YouTube videos have been viewed over 5.5 million times. Not only has he accumulated over 52,000 subscribers, but 38% of them are from a foreign country (His HMS website has similar statistics). His top ten videos have been viewed 2.5 million times. His most viewed video has been viewed 480,000 times. It is not the amount of views or subscribers that define Ross’s global YouTube success, but the way he has helped millions of people to overcome the pain and suffering of narcissistic abuse and Self-Love Deficit Disorder.
ROSENBERG’S LINKS

His counseling center: http://goo.gl/uuWrwJ
Human Magnet Syndrome Book Site: http://www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com
His training/education company: http://selfloverecovery.com
His articles: http://goo.gl/bTesnk
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheCodependencyCure/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/RossRosenberg1
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/clinicalcareco¬¬nsult
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rossrosenberg_slri/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/clinicalcareconsultants
Blogs: http://humanmagnetsyndrome.com/blog-posts/   and http://blog.clinicalcareconsultants.com/

CONTACT

Ross Rosenberg, (847) 749-0514 ext. 120 or at Rossr61@comcast.net.

Available nationally and internationally by arrangement and via telephone.

The Holy Church of the Gaslighter. Gaslighting is Everywhere! Webinar Video Excerpt

Holy Church of the Gaslighter.  Gaslighting is Everywhere! Webinar Video 

From my 4 hour seminar, “Gaslighting Is Everywhere, which is available at the Self-Love Recovery Institute’s website: www.SelfLoveRecovery.com
 

 

Gaslighting = Narcissist Glue
This is a 9 minute excerpt from Ross Rosenberg’s 4 hour video seminar entitled “Gaslighting Is Everywhere!” In this video Ross explains how and why gaslighters use “religion” to manipulate, brainwash and gaslight thier victims.

The complete seminar contains original content created by Ross Rosenberg. The 4-hour gaslighting training has a great deal of information. Below are the titles of each PowerPoint slide that specifically illustrate the content of the seminar

1. Gaslighting Definition
2. Gaslighting History
3. Gaslighting In Movies
4. Who Told the Tin Man He Didn’t Have A Heart?
5. Gaslighting and The Human Magnet Syndrome (My Book)
6. The “Perfect Storm” For Gaslighting
7. Gaslighters (GL’s) Deplete Resources/Wear Down the GLV (Gaslit Victim)
8. GL’s Create Dependency
9. GL’s Manipulate the Environment
10. Gaslighting Creates or Exacerbates:
11. Gaslighting Creates Real Medical/Psychiatric Disorders
12. Gaslighting Potentiates Co-Occurring Problems
13. Caught in The Gaslight Catch-22 Trap
14. The Duluth Power and Control Wheel And Gaslighting
15. The Secrecy Requirement
16. Gaslighting Distortions
17. Isolation
18. Inculcation of Narratives
19. Inculcation of Narratives
20. The “Original Self-Narrative”
21. The “Self-Narrative” – Our Story of Who We Are
22. The “Self-Relational Narrative”– Our Story of Our Value In A Relationship
23. The “Other’s Self-Narrative” – The Gaslit Story of Ourselves
24. The “Others Relational-Narrative” – The Gaslit Story of Our Relational Worth
25. The Self-Love Deficit Disorder SLDD (Codependency) Narrative
26. SLDD and Pathological Narcissists Are the Perfect “Dancing” Partners
27. Implanted, Supplanted, and Indoctrinated Narratives
28. Gaslighting Is Brainwashing!
29. Exponentiating The Narrative
30. Narratives Are the Stories That Define Us
31. Swapping the Photo On The Mirror Trick
32. Stockholm Syndrome
33. Orchestrating Fake Attempts at Helping
34. “Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte Syndrome”
35. Married to A Gaslighting Physician Vignette
36. Triangulation
37. The Circular Brainwashing Tactic
38. Sabotaging GLV’s Faith in Professional Abilities
39. Attacking the Accuser/Focus Shifting
40. The Invisible Fence/Shock Collar Phenomenon
41. Conditioned to Have No Hope
42. GLV’s Protect the GL’s Denial Systems
43. False IQ Comparisons
44. The Holy Church of The Gaslighter
45. GL’s Are Pathological Narcissists
46. Gaslighters Are Either ASPD, NPD, or BPD
47. ASPD Gaslighter
48. NPD Gaslighter
49. The Covert Narcissist Gaslighter
50. The Malignant Narcissist Gaslighter
51. The Borderline Personality Disordered (BPD) Gaslighter
52. Attachment Trauma Pre-Grooms GLV’s
53. Gaslighters Are Like Pedophile Child Molesters
54. Societal Gaslighting
55. Political Gaslighting A-Z Recipe
56. Implant These 26 (Beliefs) & Secure Your Election!
57. Came Up The Hard Way
58. I’m A Victim Just Like You
59. I Am Altruistic And Empathetic Because I Said So
60. I’m Just Like You (Look At My Family Photos)
61. Legitimacy Through Fame
62. Everyone Changes (Chameleon)
63. You Manipulated My Statements (My Lies Are Your Fault)
64. You Must Be Hearing Impaired (I Never Said That)
65. We Are Powerless (When We Are Not)
66. My Opposition Is Your Enemy
67. Anyone Who Is on Our Side Is A Patriot
68. Blame the Country’s Ills on The Opponent
69. Shift Responsibility to Another Country
70. Blame the Victim (They Did It to Themselves)
71. Our Enemy Is Ruthless, Wicked, and Evil
72. Our Enemy Is a Compulsive Liar
73. We Must Hold the Enemy Accountable (Punish The Enemy)
74. Facts That Hurt Me Are Fake News
75. I Have Secret Connections to The Truth
76. Science Is Flawed (Neutralizing Facts)
77. Stealing Is Sometimes Good (Robin Hood)
78. Build A Wall (Isolationism)
79. Immigrants/Foreigners Will Hurt Us
80. Turn Lemonade into Lemons (Lie About Progress)
81. Protectionism (We Are Being Ripped Off)
82. We Don’t Kowtow to Bullies (Justify A War)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwYCubcqk24

The Holy Church of the Gaslighter. Gaslighting is Everywhere! Webinar Video Excerpt

From my 4 hour seminar, “Gaslighting Is Everywhere.”
 

The Holy Church of the Gaslighter.  Gaslighting is Everywhere! Webinar Video  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwYCubcqk24

Gaslighting = Narcissist Glue
This is a 9 minute excerpt from Ross Rosenberg’s 4 hour video seminar entitled “Gaslighting Is Everywhere!” In this video Ross explains how and why gaslighters use “religion” to manipulate, brainwash and gaslight thier victims.

The complete seminar contains original content created by Ross Rosenberg. The 4-hour gaslighting training has a great deal of information. Below are the titles of each PowerPoint slide that specifically illustrate the content of the seminar

1. Gaslighting Definition
2. Gaslighting History
3. Gaslighting In Movies
4. Who Told the Tin Man He Didn’t Have A Heart?
5. Gaslighting and The Human Magnet Syndrome (My Book)
6. The “Perfect Storm” For Gaslighting
7. Gaslighters (GL’s) Deplete Resources/Wear Down the GLV (Gaslit Victim)
8. GL’s Create Dependency
9. GL’s Manipulate the Environment
10. Gaslighting Creates or Exacerbates:
11. Gaslighting Creates Real Medical/Psychiatric Disorders
12. Gaslighting Potentiates Co-Occurring Problems
13. Caught in The Gaslight Catch-22 Trap
14. The Duluth Power and Control Wheel And Gaslighting
15. The Secrecy Requirement
16. Gaslighting Distortions
17. Isolation
18. Inculcation of Narratives
19. Inculcation of Narratives
20. The “Original Self-Narrative”
21. The “Self-Narrative” – Our Story of Who We Are
22. The “Self-Relational Narrative”– Our Story of Our Value In A Relationship
23. The “Other’s Self-Narrative” – The Gaslit Story of Ourselves
24. The “Others Relational-Narrative” – The Gaslit Story of Our Relational Worth
25. The Self-Love Deficit Disorder SLDD (Codependency) Narrative
26. SLDD and Pathological Narcissists Are the Perfect “Dancing” Partners
27. Implanted, Supplanted, and Indoctrinated Narratives
28. Gaslighting Is Brainwashing!
29. Exponentiating The Narrative
30. Narratives Are the Stories That Define Us
31. Swapping the Photo On The Mirror Trick
32. Stockholm Syndrome
33. Orchestrating Fake Attempts at Helping
34. “Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte Syndrome”
35. Married to A Gaslighting Physician Vignette
36. Triangulation
37. The Circular Brainwashing Tactic
38. Sabotaging GLV’s Faith in Professional Abilities
39. Attacking the Accuser/Focus Shifting
40. The Invisible Fence/Shock Collar Phenomenon
41. Conditioned to Have No Hope
42. GLV’s Protect the GL’s Denial Systems
43. False IQ Comparisons
44. The Holy Church of The Gaslighter
45. GL’s Are Pathological Narcissists
46. Gaslighters Are Either ASPD, NPD, or BPD
47. ASPD Gaslighter
48. NPD Gaslighter
49. The Covert Narcissist Gaslighter
50. The Malignant Narcissist Gaslighter
51. The Borderline Personality Disordered (BPD) Gaslighter
52. Attachment Trauma Pre-Grooms GLV’s
53. Gaslighters Are Like Pedophile Child Molesters
54. Societal Gaslighting
55. Political Gaslighting A-Z Recipe
56. Implant These 26 (Beliefs) & Secure Your Election!
57. Came Up The Hard Way
58. I’m A Victim Just Like You
59. I Am Altruistic And Empathetic Because I Said So
60. I’m Just Like You (Look At My Family Photos)
61. Legitimacy Through Fame
62. Everyone Changes (Chameleon)
63. You Manipulated My Statements (My Lies Are Your Fault)
64. You Must Be Hearing Impaired (I Never Said That)
65. We Are Powerless (When We Are Not)
66. My Opposition Is Your Enemy
67. Anyone Who Is on Our Side Is A Patriot
68. Blame the Country’s Ills on The Opponent
69. Shift Responsibility to Another Country
70. Blame the Victim (They Did It to Themselves)
71. Our Enemy Is Ruthless, Wicked, and Evil
72. Our Enemy Is a Compulsive Liar
73. We Must Hold the Enemy Accountable (Punish The Enemy)
74. Facts That Hurt Me Are Fake News
75. I Have Secret Connections to The Truth
76. Science Is Flawed (Neutralizing Facts)
77. Stealing Is Sometimes Good (Robin Hood)
78. Build A Wall (Isolationism)
79. Immigrants/Foreigners Will Hurt Us
80. Turn Lemonade into Lemons (Lie About Progress)
81. Protectionism (We Are Being Ripped Off)
82. We Don’t Kowtow to Bullies (Justify A War)

When Selfish Is Actually Self-Love.

 

WHEN “SELFISH” IS REALLY GOOD

It is GOOD for SLD’s (Self-Love Deficients or codependents) to be selfish. It is like learning to ride a bike. Doing something for yourself and not caring what people think is a dangerous proposition.  “Selfish,” therefore is good.

The problem is the voices in your head have been lying to you; telling you that you are being bad, when you are just trying not to drown anymore.These voices have never been yours. Rather, they are covertly implanted narratives that were designed to confuse you, turn you against yourself, and break you down. It is time to break the gaslighting spell and regain the true voice in your head…your own! Fall a few times, brush off the pain, and get back on the “bike.”

Learning to love yourself will frighten people, who have only one way to get you to quit the nonsense of SLDD (Self-Love Deficit Disorder or codependency) recovery. They will call you a “narcissist” and try to make you feel ashamed and guilty for your moments of self-care. Scoff at the projection, this is more about them than you. Ride your bike all the way out of their life!

 

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Self-Love Recovery Institute Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gaslighting Is Everywhere Seminar Graphics

Thes graphics are from my latest “Gaslighting is Everywhere” 4-hour seminar video.  More about the training HERE.  

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

                         

Codependency Categories: Active, Passive and Anorexic Codependents

Codependency Categories: Active, Passive & Anorexic Codependents

Excerpts from Ross  Rosenberg’s book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love  People Who  Hurt Us.

Active and Passive Codependency

As a direct result of the codependents questioning themselves about being a narcissist, I categorized codependency into two sub-types: passive and active.  Although all codependents are habitually and instinctively attracted (and later bonded) to severely narcissistic partners, one is more active in their perpetual but unsuccessful attempts to obtain their narcissist’s love, respect and care (LRC), while the other is more passive.  Although both try to control and manipulate their narcissistic partners, they go about it differently.

Passive codependents are more fearful and avoidant of conflict.  For complicated reasons, mostly related to their extremely low self-esteem, fear of being alone and tendency to be in relationships with controlling, dangerous and/or abusive pathological narcissists, the passive codependent attempts to control or influence their narcissistic partner through carefully, if not meticulously, executed control strategies – most of which are intended to fall under their pathological narcissist’s radar (awareness).  Because of the secret and hidden nature of their control strategies, passive codependents are perceived as more resigned, stoic and compliant than active codependents.

Active codependents, on the other hand, are overtly manipulative in their control strategies in attempts to rectify the LRC inequity in their relationship.  Being less afraid of conflict, they often engage the pathological narcissist in arguments and confrontations.  They also are prone to aggressive altercations, lying and manipulating, in an effort to avoid being harmed or to meet their own needs.  They are therefore experienced as controlling, antagonizing and manipulative.   In addition, they may want others to see them fight, control, and manipulate their narcissistic partner, as it serves as a paper thin attempt to feel powerful and in control.

Active codependents are often mistaken for narcissists because of their more openly controlling demeanor.   Like the passive codependent, they believe that “one day” their pathologically narcissistic partner will realize their mistakes and wrong-doings and finally give them the love, respect and care they so desperately want and need.  It just never happens…

Although different “on the outside,” both the passive and active codependent share the pathological “others” self-orientation.  While the active codependent may seem stronger, more in control and more confident, both share the same deeply embedded insecurities and feelings of powerlessness.  Both are unable to break free from their dysfunctional relationship.

Codependency Anorexia – Starving One’s Self of Love

Codependency Anorexia occurs when a codependent surrenders to their life-long relationship pattern to destructive pathological narcissists.  The codependent often transitions to Codependency Anorexia when they hit bottom and can no longer bear the pain and the harm meted out to them from their malevolent pathological narcissists. It is paradoxical in a sense, as it occurs during a moment of clarity, when the codependent realizes that they are completely powerless to stop their attraction to lovers who, in the beginning, feel so right, but shortly thereafter, hurt them so badly. In an effort to protect themselves from the long line of “soul mates,” who unexpectedly convert to “cellmates,” they flip their vulnerability switch to “off,” which results in a complete shutdown of their emotional, relational, and sexual machinery.

Although their intention is to avoid getting pummeled again by the next narcissist, they unknowingly insulate themselves from the very human experience of intimate romantic love. This defense mechanism serves to protect codependents from the cascade of resulting consequences of their debilitating love choices. By denying their human need to connect and love passionately, they are, in a sense, artificially neutralizing The Human Magnet Syndrome. Or in other words, they are removing themselves from any possibility of close romantic love, healthy or not.

To maintain their codependent anorexia, codependents ultimately have to divorce themselves from their emotional and sexual selves. As a result, they “starve” themselves from the very human need to connect romantically, intimately, and sexually. Such deprivation often leads to long-term mental and relational health problems.

In the codependent anorexic state, the codependent is hypervigilant of any person or situation that would lead to a potentially harmful and dangerous intimate relationship. They often over compensate in social situations to avoid either showing interest in someone else or accidentally reacting to someone else overtures. To that end, they also deprive themselves of everyday social events, in order to not accidentally bump against a vulnerable or threatening situation or person. And if a person or event does threaten the codependency anorexic barrier, a shock of extreme anxiety uncomfortably steer them back onto their self-depriving but safe course.

The anorexic codependent is unable to recognize that their disconnection or disassociation from their vulnerable relational and sexual self is harmful, if not debilitating. Notwithstanding, they continue the path of intimacy deprivation so that they are able to maintain their distorted and deluded sense of power and control over real and invisible threats. At the end of the day, they are not hurt by another pathological narcissist. But, they also live their life in a barren desert of loneliness and fear.

Codependents cannot shake the unrealistic belief that happiness will only come if they are in a relationship. They look to other people to make them feel happy and fulfilled. It is only through an intimate relationship that they will be able to feel complete. Codependents tend to rely on a source outside of themselves – their romantic partners – to make them feel worthwhile and lovable.  As a result of the codependent’s reliance on pathological narcissists to make them feel good about themselves, they seldom experience self-love or healthy levels of self-esteem.

 

Since the codependent unconsciously chooses partners who are unwilling, unmotivated or unable to meet their personal and emotional needs, they may choose the path of control to get their pathological narcissist partner to give them what they want and need. To some, it is counterintuitive for codependents to be controlling. There are indeed codependents who do give up and take a passive victim-based role in their dysfunctional relationships. However, because most codependents take on the lion’s share of the relationship responsibilities such as child care, house cleaning, cooking, shopping, and/or financially supporting the relationship/family, they cannot afford to acquiesce and relinquish control of their family’s life. Without maintaining some semblance of control, they and their family or relationship would certainly suffer. To most codependents, the idea of stopping their attempts to get their narcissist partner to reciprocate or behave fairly and responsibly is tantamount to giving up on their relationship; something that codependents are mostly unwilling and incapable of doing.

Codependents often develop compulsive or addictive-like patterns while trying to control their narcissistic partner. Their compulsion to control someone who cannot be controlled puts them on a circular path that always brings them back to where they started: angry, frustrated and resentful. Much like the hamster on its wheel, they run around and around trying to get somewhere, but always end up in the same place. No matter how fast and how long they run, they never actually leave the place where they started – their dysfunctional relationship with a pathological narcissist. Their attempts to seek the unobtainable create a series of personal and relational failures that ultimately remind them of their powerlessness over others. This pattern is self-reinforcing. The more they fail at controlling the pathological narcissist, the worse they feel. Over time, they get worn down by their failures and consequently give up on the hope that the one-way nature of their relationship will ever change.

Codependents are slow to give up hope that their partner will eventually give them what they want, deserve and need. However, for some codependents, their patience eventually runs thin. Their naïve belief that their narcissistic partner will give them what they have so sacrificially and patiently been waiting for eventually transforms into bouts of anger and resentment. Realizing that hoping and waiting does not get them what they want, i.e., their spouse to be stop drinking, stop an affair, or to show them love and thoughtfulness, they resort either to direct or passive forms of aggression. Instead of running on their hamster wheel, they start to actively attempt to control their unyielding partner. So the stereotype that codependents are passive victims who wait a lifetime to get what they want is just not true.

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

                         

 

Heaven. A Poem About On Everlasting Impact. By Ross Rosenberg

 

HEAVEN

The pebble is worn smooth
Made small over time
A product of a cataclysmic force of nature
A fragment of mountainous sheets of rock
An accidental offspring of a boulder.
But just a very small stone

The pebble’s place in our world
Is neither understood nor appreciated.
But when thrown in a glassy calm pond
Its insignificance is transformed.
Its meaning and purpose is unleashed

The instant the pebble kisses the pond
Its signature of concentric ripples
Spiral outwards
Moving far beyond itself.
Gently affecting everything in its wake
Forever altering the smooth placid surface.

The pebble creates its worth and meaning
By unleashing its unimagined power.
Into a dueling force of action and reaction
Creating karmic energy
Producing a lasting and fluid impression

Aren’t we all pebbles?
Feeling small and insignificant.
But ultimately recognizing
That who we are meant to be
Can never be measured in isolation
on a path into ourselves

It is true:
Our everlasting future
Is created by the indiscriminate tossing of pebbles
Into the pond of life
Creating ripples
which leave a unique mark on our world
Not because of thoughts
or well meaning plans
But because of actions
Our life’s prayers our answered
Because even the smallest pebble
No matter how seemingly insignificant
Change the course of the lives
Of those who we touch.

And when the icy winds of death
beckon our lasting attention
We will gently leave this life
With the knowledge that
because of that one pebble
The world will never be the same

And then we have heaven …

Ross Rosenberg
8/18/03

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

                         

 

Did You Vote for An Iceberg. The Danger that Lurks Ahead. The Trump Presidency

DID YOU VOTE FOR AN ICEBERG?

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT

TITANIC TRUMP

Most, if not all politicians are inherently self-serving, dishonest and moderately to patho- logically narcissistic. Successful ones win elections because they are able to create a praiseworthy image while secretly stowing away and hiding their truer ambitions and secrets. Often, the public is informed about factual (not contrived) secrets, lies, private affairs, or even mental health issues, is when a person with an agenda publishes, reports, or leaks it to public. Whether it is a news organization wanting to raise ad revenue or individuals or groups who are motivated to create a smear or propaganda campaign, most of this “fake news” has just one purpose: to manipulate us to believe one candidate will cure the ills of our society, while instilling doubt, fear, paranoia that the other will hurt us. Such propaganda peddlers are successful because they craftily prey on our emotions, especially fear, so that we believe their guy will be our savior and the other, the devil incarnate. To solve this scourge, we must vigilantly discern truth from fiction while taking the time and expending the energy to critically think about the “news” that is fed to us. Let us not forget that shiny, sparkly and harmless seeming chunk of ice, may actually be a Titanic sinking iceberg.

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)

                         

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT

www.AdvancedClinicalTrainers.com

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Feelings Are Reactions, Not Solutions.

feelings-are-not-solutions-copy

 

Feelings Are Reactions, Not Solutions

Neither suppress how your heart feels at any given moment nor fall prey to
pragmatists who mandate that feelings need to be productive. Safely expressing
or letting go one’s emotional energy engenders self-love, self-respect & self-care.
Ross Rosenberg, 2016

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT
Clinical Care Consultants Owner
Advanced Clinical Trainers Owner
Psychotherapist, Author & Professional Trainer
Author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

Creator of “The Codependency Cure: Recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder” seminar (and upcoming book)